I obviously have zero understanding (nor do many outside of Google, apparently) how the algorithms work to make Google’s search engine so effective. But I’d have to think that previous searches and the general popularity of a search subject have to come in to play.

So what gives with “bagpipe cartoons”? What do people want with “bagpipe cartoons”? What do they do with these things (aside from tarting up whingey blog posts)?

Man, bagpipes need some new PR.

M.

The only way to get tone!

M.

At last night’s band practice the piper next to her turned and said, “I only soaked my reed for an hour, and, is it ever good!”.

Soaking a reed for any length of time will make it anything but good (for a non-piper reading this you’ll now understand the “LOL”). Water is the reed’s enemy. It brings instability and dullness to pitch. Water generally ruins a reed; it shortens its productive life. Tip of the day: soak a reed for an hour if you seek crappy sound.

Yes, reeds require moisture to produce bright, vibrant, engaging sounds. That moisture should only ever come from breath. Play a new reed in the pipe for 20 minutes and you’ll find that natural moisture postively transforms the sound produced by a reed. Living in a dry centrally-heated house I can empathize with a piper`s temptation to throw some water a dry reed`s way. But never soak it. Save that for your feet – or your head after a late night.

And a final funny from the same band practice; it sort of speaks to perspective and the importance of attending band practices so the whole team knows what you can and will contribute. In my friend`s words: “…the (new-ish) bass drummer asked me if I wanted a music stand for our ‘Scotland the Brave’ set. I think I need to attend more practices…”

Off to Glasgow (and Dublin) this evening. Celtic Connections calls.

M.

Stepping up to the role of pipe band/piping/drumming judge is a service. In fact, it’s an obligation. For people with piping and drumming credentials – meaning proven in-the-trenches-experience – it is a service. The competition system is currently at the core of pipe band and solo piping excellence and depends on the good service of engaged – and qualified – adjudicators.

But, man, it ain’t easy.

I was hard at it (doing my best) judging a contest in Kingston, Ontario, Canada, last Saturday and, following the contest, someone came up to me and said, “I could guess your result, in the grade X, I saw you smile when ______ band played “Fleshmarket Close” [a tune I made]“).

Holy #%$@. I smiled, apparently! Arrest me. That comment reminded me or, “sowed home”, as the late, great, Scott MacAulay might’ve said, that no matter what action, decision or, it seems, facial expression, a judge makes, an outside assessment of perceived ulterior motivation will almost always be made. This truth makes the role even less attractive.

But let’s remember one of the core realities of our competitive game: judges are always perceived to have bias – even if that bias is for a style or particular performance approach.

I suggest that it’s that “good” bias for which we hire judges. We want them to draw on their proven experience, their understanding of what makes up a performance of merit, their ability to know the difference between good and excellent musical interpretation. We look for that and we look for them to deliver an even-handed assessment.

Simply put: We hire judges for their musical perspective and their considered musical judgement. We don’t hire judges for their poker faces.

Afterall, maybe a smile increases a judge’s face value?

M.

M.

To now, when it came to effective, self-assured performance, I had always made a connection with pressed pleats, immaculate turnout, fine stitching. No more.

In truth, it’s no pleats, no stitching, and lots of bare skin. It’s the supremely confident who can – and do – perform in their underpants.

Can you imagine: Glenfinnan Games field after the third day of pouring rain … mud, water, (and midges) everywhere and you in your fine 16 ounce grade “MacLeod of Lewis” kilt and 100% natural fiber Barathea jacket, your treasured wool hose hand-knitted by your recently infirm granny, leather brogues newly re-soled…all set to play your tune for Iain MacFadyen and John MacDougall: “Sorry gents”, says you to the judges, “I’ve still got the jigs and MSR so if you don’t mind I’ll play my ‘Viscount of Dundee’ in my pants”. There’s our piping equivalent of “doing a Stenson”.

Bands, too, would save big money on kit maintenance. “Right,” might say Rab Mathieson, “That’s the rain on, off with your kilts, we’ll be doing a Stenson for the Donald Cameron set”.

Skål, Henrik!

M.

“An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite biscuits wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite biscuits.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Cape Breton wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon…

‘Fuck off’ she said, ‘they’re for the funeral.’”

Enjoy your Sunday.

M.

The truth of the matter, though: bagpipes, destined to be a perennial novelty. 

 M.  

Left to right: my mum, Joan, sister Patty (sitting on the case of Molson Canadian), father Bill, me, sister Jane, bro’ Robert.

I hope your summer plans are going well with lots of makeshift seats around like Patty’s!

M.